Week 5

My Personal Addictions  

I have made a short video displaying my struggles with addiction and past experiences as to why I have let this particular obsession take over my life and why it takes me away from the issues around me.

When explaining I talked a lot about my insecurities and low self esteem, and how I always feel inferior to other people in the area of appearance.

Something I didn’t quite get to fully talk about was my struggles dealing with confidence and my anxiety when being around to many people, such as how I tend to shy away if I do not know someone very well and can easily feel uncomfortable in a situation very fast where it gets to the point that I try to find a way to leave.

When talking about my addictions in the video I referred to music. This is something I felt that I have been obsessed with for quite awhile. I sensed that my addiction was mainly to do with the fact that I wanted to use music as a sense of drowning out my own problems and worries by filling my mind with sounds of my favourite songs, or songs that relate to my problems at the time or in particular situation.

In the video I related a lot to my past, and experiences that lead me to have the insecurities that I did. In my video I didn’t really talk about it much but being younger in previous schools I was, I mean I wouldn't call it bullying but I was often teased a lot for my appearance and body and just the way I looked. I don't know whether it was just harmless joking but it did personally hurt me; causing me to think of myself in a negative way of not being good enough. Because of this I wore baggy clothes a lot and became a lot shyer and reserved, keeping to myself a lot. This is when I would listen to music the most, as ways of kind of making me feel better and trying to boost my confidence up a little more. Another topic that I discussed was also my social life and connecting with other people. I explained how I feel like I’m always stuck or haunted by my past and only seem to be moving back while everyone around me is moving on without me and I just can’t seem to move on, thinking that there is something wrong with me. I felt that this was probably to do with the death of relatives such as my brother and uncle, and just seeing death after death causing me to not want to get too close to people because they will suddenly just leave and I will lose another person that I cared about this is why I felt that music was this kind of thing that I could rely on, and not have to worry about it disappearing or judging me but more identify and relate with me. I wanted music to be a replacement for society so I could just block out the world around me and just have music.